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apemellifera
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Name: Melissa
Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Birthday: 11/22/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: I like to read and hang out with friends. I like to write poetry.
Expertise: Just being me.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
Member Since:
2/7/2004
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The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man
has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands!
This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the
wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!!
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.
PMS Stands For:
Pass My Shotgun
Psychotic Mood Shift
People Make me Sick
Provide Me with Sweets
Pardon My Sobbing
Pass My Sweatpants
Potential Murder Suspect
Another thing to giggle about... My husband, not happy with my mood swings,
bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
When I'm in a good mood, it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me diamonds.
Here have some chocolate. | | |
| Happy Valentine's Day!!!  | | |
| so ive been sick with the flu all week and havent been in school. im better now, but missing 4 days of school really sucks. lol. | | |
| FIVE SURGEONS
Five surgeons are discussing who has the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable." | | |
| i dropped my cell phone in a cappuccino.  | | |
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